5 Conversation Starters That Actually Work

Not sure how to start a conversation after a match or on a first date? We’ve put together five conversation starters for dating that you can use to get things going and learn a little more about the person you’re talking to. Each comes with a follow-up, so you have somewhere to go after that first reply.

Contents

• Why These Five Conversation Starters for Dating Work
• Five Conversation Starters to Try
• 1. Ask About Something Specific
• 2. Try a Fun Either-Or Question
• 3. Ask for a Recommendation
• 4. Start With a Light Story Prompt
• 5. Ask a Thoughtful Getting-to-Know-You Question
• How to Make These Starters Sound Like You
• What to Avoid When Starting a Dating Conversation
• FAQ
• Choose One and Make It Yours

Why These Five Conversation Starters for Dating Work

You don’t need an unforgettable opening line. Give someone a question they can answer without spending ten minutes thinking about it. A detail from their profile, a choice between two things, or a request for a recommendation gives them something to respond to.

The follow-up matters, too. If you ask about their favorite lunch spot, be interested in what they order there. These dating conversation starters won’t guarantee a reply, but they leave room for both of you to join in.

Five Conversation Starters to Try

1. Ask About Something Specific

• “You mentioned making pottery. What’s the last thing you made that you actually kept?”

When someone’s dating profile mentions a hobby, you already have a place to start. In this case, they might tell you about a bowl they’re proud of or a mug that turned out a little crooked.

You can follow up with: “Do you use it, or is it more of a shelf decoration?” Then tell them what caught your attention.

Use this approach when there’s a detail you genuinely want to know more about. You can change the hobby, but don’t pretend you share it just to get a reply.

2. Try a Fun Either-Or Question

• “At a diner, are you ordering breakfast for dinner or sticking with a burger?”

A simple choice can help when their profile doesn’t give you much to work with. It’s also easy to bring up on a casual date while you’re looking at the menu.

They can pick a side straight away. You can then ask, “What’s your usual order?” and share yours. If neither option appeals to them, let them suggest something else.

Looking for flirty conversation starters? Once there’s some interest on both sides, you could add, “Good choice. I’d share my fries with you.”

3. Ask for a Recommendation

• “Where would you send me for a really good lunch around here?”

This is a useful question for a local match or a first date when you’re talking about food. They can simply tell you about a place they like.

Keep the conversation going with: “What should I order on my first visit?” If the dish sounds good, say why. If you haven’t tried that food before, tell them.

And if you do visit their recommendation, you have a reason to message again. Tell them what you ordered and whether you’d go back.

4. Start With a Light Story Prompt

• “What’s something from this week you’re still laughing about?”

Try this once you’ve exchanged a few messages or settled into a first date. It gives them space to share a small moment without having to tell their life story.

Let’s say their dog stole a sandwich during a video meeting. You could ask, “Did anyone on the call notice?” That’s a follow-up to what they actually said, so it doesn’t feel like you’re working through prepared questions.

If they can’t think of anything, that’s fine. Share something funny from your week instead.

5. Ask a Thoughtful Getting-to-Know-You Question

• “What would you like to make more time for outside work?”

Once you’re past introductions, you can ask something a little more personal. This question lets them talk about whatever matters to them, whether that’s seeing friends, learning to cook, or getting back into music.

If they mention an old hobby, ask, “What did you enjoy most about it?” You can share something you’ve been missing, too.

Save this one for a conversation where you’re both comfortable talking a bit more. Later, if you want to explore bigger topics, our questions about dating compatibility offer some ideas for that discussion.

How to Make These Starters Sound Like You

We’ve given you the starting points. Now change the wording to fit how you normally talk.

• On an app: good online dating conversation starters include a little context. Mention the hobby or photo you’re asking about so your match knows what you noticed.
• Over text: pick up on something they’ve already told you. If you keep sending the same check-in, our ideas for what to say instead of wyd can help you change things up.
• In person: let first date conversation starters fit the moment. The lunch question makes sense when you’re discussing restaurants; you don’t have to introduce it in the middle of another story.

Here’s how the recommendation question could go:

• You: “Where would you send me for a really good lunch around here?”
• Match: “The sandwich place on Oak Street.”
• You: “I’ve walked past it so many times. What should I order?”
• Or, if you’re already sitting in a diner:
• You: “Breakfast for dinner or a burger?”
• Date: “Breakfast, every time.”
• You: “Same! What’s your usual order?”

What to Avoid When Starting a Dating Conversation

A plain “hey” leaves your match with most of the work. Add a question using one of the five approaches above.

Don’t send several questions at once, either. Reply to what they say and share your own thoughts before asking something else. Otherwise, it can start to feel like an interview.

Keep early questions away from private topics such as income, difficult family experiences, or past breakups. Let that level of detail come when you’re both comfortable sharing it.

FAQ

What are the best conversation starters for dating?

Try the one that fits what you already know about them. If their profile mentions a hobby, ask about it. If you’re choosing food together, start there.

How do you start a conversation on a dating app?

Read their profile before you write. Pick something you’d like to hear more about, then send one question. The pottery example above shows how specific you can be without writing a long first message.

What should you ask on a first date?

Start with something easy to discuss, like food or a recent highlight. You can choose more thoughtful questions to ask on a first date once you’re both talking comfortably.

How do you keep a conversation going after the first question?

Use their answer. If they mention a favorite restaurant, ask what they order there and share what you like.

Choose One and Make It Yours

Pick one of these five starters and adjust it to the person you’re talking to. Send the message or ask the question, then give them time to answer. Their reply will help you decide what to say next.

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